“God Was There, Momma”

I love Saturdays. They usually start quietly with stillness in the air. No alarm clocks demanding we wake up early. No rushing my kiddos out the door to start their day at school. I can leisurely take my time with what I will. It’s peaceful.

I told my daughter Friday last week that we might go to Books-A-Million over the weekend and out for lunch. And let’s not forget that we go to Java Moe’s for a Vanilla Chai Tea every time we are in town! She loves a routine…

My Saturday morning was perfection. I needed it. And although it was tempting to stay home for the entire day, I knew my daughter was looking forward to our outing. And I’m certain she never heard the ‘might’ in our conversation.

So, off we went!

If you know my daughter, you know how much she loves to talk. So, she talks; I listen. There are days when my ears give up, and I can’t truly listen anymore. But Saturday wasn’t one of those days.

She doesn’t talk much about her life growing up as a child in her biological parents’ home. It’s not for any other reason than she doesn’t feel a need for it most of the time. On this day, however, she did.

Out of character for her, she sat staring out the car window as we drove methodically down the road. And the statement she finally made revealed the wanderings of her mind. “Mom, I don’t remember much about my life before I was taken into foster care.”

I gave her my undivided attention.

“Is that OK?” she continued.

“Of course. It is as long as you are OK with it. And as long as you are not trying to act like it didn’t exist.”

“I know what you are saying, but really, I can’t remember much.” She then started talking about a few memories she did have. Some were sweet and then some not-so-sweet.

What she said next hasn’t left me yet; I’m not sure it ever will.

“After my brother was born, life is a blur. Although I have some memories, not many are good ones. But you know, as bad as things were, I know one thing for certain. Even though I didn’t know Him then like I do now, God was there, momma…bringing me here. His hands were in it, leading me to you and dad.”

I began to cry — ugly crying.

God was there? What twelve year old understands that? Many Christian adults do not even get it. This concept is the exact sort of thing I teach and try to help others come to the understanding of.

In all honesty, though, it is a difficult thing for those that are hurting to comprehend. The very idea of God being there in those terrible times can sometimes frustrate someone who is wounded and doesn’t know Him fully. Their questions are difficult to answer. Why would God be there and not ‘do’ anything to help them? If He were there, why didn’t He stop what was happening?

Yet, here is my daughter telling me a truth that she fully understands. And no one had to explain it to her.

She amazes me.

And it didn’t stop there. Later that day, I had gone outside to get her little brother from my mom. I had been out for a little bit before I returned. I opened the door, and what do I see?

My daughter is sitting on the couch, headphones on, eyes closed, arms raised to the heavens, singing to the top of her lungs…Ever Be by Bethel Music.

I’ll never be able to sing this song the same again. Read a few of the lyrics.

“Your love is devoted
Like a ring of solid gold
Like a vow that is tested
Like a covenant of old
And Your love is enduring
Through the winter rain
And beyond the horizon
With mercy for today

Faithful You have been and faithful You will be
You pledge Yourself to me and it’s why I sing

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips (repeated 3 times)

You Father the orphan
Your kindness makes us whole
And You shoulder our weakness
And Your strength becomes our own
Now You’re making me like You
Clothing me in white
Bringing beauty from ashes
For You will have Your bride

Free of all her guilt and rid of all her shame
And known by her true name and it’s why I sing

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips…”

I stood there, watching and listening, and the ugly crying ensued.

After reviewing some of the rough memories of her childhood earlier that day, there she was singing praises to God. She isn’t bitter. She isn’t angry. She isn’t even sad. She is thankful. She is rejoicing in the God who saved her.

I wouldn’t blame her one bit if she were bitter, angry, or sad. There may be another day when she experiences those emotions, and I will be there to hold her when she needs to cry and let it all out.

But this day, she chose to focus on something she received a revelation of. In the midst of all the bad, “God was there, momma – bringing me here.”

“Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” – Mark 10:15 ESV